Can't sleep, its currently past my usual bed time. been ages since i last left anything on this blog. Nothing much interesting been happening. sadly my life seems to be wasting away more and more. feeling a deep sense of lonelyness and the oh-so-familiar "lost" feeling that i often get when i'm thinking the whole world hates me.

Haven't heard from close friends for some time now. left sms's, no replies. not even late ones. did my phone spoil? my friends are busy? my friends think i'm a nuisance? Things human minds starts to wander off the beaten path over such small matters over sms replies. haha, too much time. too much captivity. too little entertainment.

into my job for 2yrs+ now. coming to another close in this chapter of my training and career. Off to my next Appt in another 3mths time. Where will i go? i seem to already know this ans. What can i do to change this place where i'm going to? Nothing. Where would i want to go if i had the choice? I dont know. Seems like parting of ways for old colleagues, and meeting of new ppl. I hope i am able to keep in touch with the ppl that matter, and made a deep impact in my life thus far.

Church is far far away from my heart at the moment. people only come to you at times of need. faith faith faith, i lack this deeply. Where has all my previous fire and passion for the religion gone to? has it all been nothing but a facade? why couldn't i just come to your house and listen to what u have to say? a hour a week was what was needed. open my ears listen, open my heart and feel. can i not feel no more?

Been on a diet trying to lose my ugly bulging tummy. ate less, worked out more. instead i put on more weight. just went to cut my hair. bought new clothes. Vainity! does the outside appearence matter that much? but i feel so insecure without attempting to look better constantly.

I no longer feel the Aura i once had when i was in poly. walking with my head high, knowing that i can make a change and do things for people better. Being able to feel appreciated when work is done or effort is put in. now ppl just dont even bother. they dont even bother to reply my sms's.

Oops. We've seem to come full circle back to the original topic that's been keeping me awake at this unearthly hr. The emptiness feeling.

*btw, if u've actually bothered to endure all those words of emptiness in my feeling, pls drop me an a msg. it'd really brighten up my day to know that ppl still realise i'm alive. haha, thanks.