| Francis Daniel Zhang Zhaoyi a.k.a Sh'i-Lah |

ENTRIES

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

had 12 solid hours of slp thru the night... tired from the camp i guess. tried to drown myself by drinking water to recover my cough. so far... results... not really showing at the moment. maybe by tmr morning it'll go away? seeing a doc is still out of my option i wanna take at the moment. haha

Health... starting to hate my body... fall sick easily, no longer as strong physically as i used to be, eye-sight is still failing me without my precious specs... is there no natural cure out there? going under the knife is a NO NO for me. too much to lose, i dun think it'll measure up should i lose my sight. haha

Confused... scared... 3May is coming up round the corner real soon. this ain't like the rest of what guys go thru... it ain't bout completing 2yrs to move on in life... i could possibly end up in there for life. preasure is on myself to make a good start in this path i've chosen.

SicNarF
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4/26/2005 01:09:00 am

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

Health Status... still SICK! sick as in sore throat, coughing... and it just doesn't seem to want to go away. waking up in the middle of the night with dry and itchy throat was common... it was tiring and irritating to be sick. who wants to be sick?! NO ONE in their right mind would want to go through this kind of suffering unless they can see a benefit coming from it. (MC from sch/work haha)

Just came back from Venture Leaders Course (VLC) another one of my scout activities. i still find a passion for this grp of ppl. boys i've seen since they entered in sec1. and i'll shamelessly admit that sometimes i actually get a kick from being seen in my uniform. it's just plain but the amount of pride i have when i wear it is tremendous. Pst... it's getting small... trying to see if i should buy a new set? or wait till i settle down in the army and when the new uniform has come into existence.

Learning things that reflect badly about myself lately... would i make changes to my life to better myself? it's simple to say i should... but real question is will there be action following words. i've no longer motivation to do alot of things. i am afraid, afraid of a great many things. this does not bold well for my chosen profession...

Minds still a whirl... army about to start 3May... would i sustain? will i die. Can i make? or will i break? do i want to become an officer or a specialist? WHAT DO I WANT!!! can i please tell myself?!

SicNarF
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4/24/2005 07:17:00 pm

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

Juz came back from the I-Guides chalet, haha it's actually more like organised by a bunch of friends. 3D2N,

first day - went there looking for fellowship and a good time together. outcasted by the uniform they wore, so decided: "this is going to be like the last chalet i shall be attending? why screw it up and be unhappy? Chill, relac only." thus that became my phrase thru out the 3days. went to soak water in the evening and strolled to white sands for dinner. tried desperately to stay awake till food digests, walked by the beach, walked thru the maze, come back tired and slpt. night came, night went.

Day 2/3 - early morn woke up went to buy breakfast. saw an old patrician junior taking driving lesson. so wanted to horn at him with my car, but decided against it. haha, breakfast was ok lah, abit little though. Walked out to downtown east with phyllis to get her dose of tea before heading back. then noon... bored lah. haha stone and soaked water again. all the way till BBQ time. haha everything went uphill after that, Val and Cannon came. talk talk joke joke laugh laugh. Eleanor came soon after, joke and laughed even more. rolling all over the bed and floor in pangs of laughter. laughed and joked thru the night... early morning also still cracking jokes. after that was home for me.

Shagged, tired and confused over the events that happened thru the 3 days. never knew what i wanted, still don't know what i wanted. am i that "Ga Ga" over girls? so much so that every pretty girl that walks by i'd check her out and try to approach them? Desperado. Maybe? Worried bout how life might be once i enter. Thinking bout the dicussions we had bout BGR at the chalet. haha looking back i pretty much can't comprehend the topic, females are sophisticated to males and vice versa. thats the way life ticks.

SicNarF
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4/21/2005 06:42:00 pm

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Monday, April 18, 2005

The coughing juz doesn't seem to want to go away. haven't slept peacefully the pass 4days now, always waking up in the middle of the night coughing badly. i'm guessing that my throat gets too dry as the night progresses... sighz! i need to start my running training again real soon. 3may going in. when can i start?

Tue going for chalet, looking forward to go there chill and relac by myself. wonder if i can accomplish being lonely. haha i've always wanted to be with the company of people. but this group that i will be going with... well i seem to be feeling outcasted. feeling is horrible, but i pretty much don't have a choice. i tried, they closed their doors on me. so i shall proceed elsewhere. so y even bother going? coz i paid my fair share already. haha u gotta be kidding me if u ask me not to go.

Tried to have a heart to heart talk with my dad, but seems to have failed. he just picked up the newspaper half-way while i was talking. found that such a turn off. if u're not interested to talk can't you just tell me? why must you just look away. starting to think my dad doesn't handle problems very well. he seems to just try to avoid the situation altogether. he doesn't like me drinking, but doesn't confront me. instead he goes to my mum. haha i hate hearing bout things concerning me from a 3rd party. reminds me of the time ppl spread rumours bout me (another story, another time. best forgotten) Argh!!! talk to me if u have a problem.

SicNarF
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4/18/2005 09:47:00 am

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Still feeling sick. Cough, sore throat, feverish, headache, muscle aches. today woke up, bum arnd for awhile then went down to sim lim to buy my new hard disk. i needed more space, my current 40Gb running flat. Initially wanted another 40Gb or so... then found out those are extinct. haha so ended up getting 160Gb after deliberating cost/Gb haha trying to be prudent with my money.

my next agenda after getting the hardware was to get new software. was looking forward to getting photoshop to edit photos i took/taking with my Z3 digi cam. but that was thrown out the window when the shop wasn't open. haha, came back set up the stuff then took a nap.

Woke up, dark all arnd. and there is was. government service letter sitting on the desk. duty calls. haha tmr morning must make afew phone calls to confirm that i have received the letter and find out what stuff is required to be done by me. 3May, I'll be embarking on my training. wish me gd luck.

SicNarF
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4/13/2005 09:19:00 pm

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Monday, April 11, 2005

today is the second day that i woke up at 7am to tell myself to go back to slp and not go for running. i better start again tmr... need to maintain and better my timings. reminder to self: you have long legs, open wider. Breathe with rythme.

Still attempting to clean up my rm. Can't bare to throw things away. thats a problem with me when it comes to spring cleaning. emotionally attached to anything i've touched and used. haha, still remembered last time when i went bowlings after sec sch. always went back to hunt for "my ball" although it was a public ball. haha

Waiting waiting waiting... letter letter, when are u going to come to take me away to the little island? away from all the worldly problems i am/might be facing. haha. run away, run away. seem to be doing quite alot of that these days. running away from problems. got scolded last night by Dad for not using the car. haha my excuse? i didn't know the route to the location. so i juz took bus with the rest. so today i went to buy a new, updated street-directory to save me when i get lost in s'pore. don't belief i said that!

Francis?! getting lost?! in Singapore?! Well... that happens when u drive. it's not as easy as turning arnd and retracing your foot steps. sometimes... a turn arnd can take u 1km away... haha

I think i'm starting my fire burning for scouting again. feels so great to wear the uniform! but it's getting tight and small. should i get new one? or wait till the new set comes out when i'm more settled down in army? 1.5-2yrs time?

SicNarF
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4/11/2005 12:33:00 am

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Saturday, April 09, 2005

Results were out! i've graduated from TP with a Diploma in Business (HR & Finance). GPA of 2.6, haha thats an avg of C+ for all my subjects. ok lah, not as well as i wanted but it's good enough i've graduated in the stipulated 3yr period. haha, considering the amt of time i spent actually studying, paying attention to lessons and doing tutorials. lecture time i'm physically there (Sleeping) hahaha.

Now i'm going thru my rm to see what i can throw away and burn. if any TP student wants anything from me, now's a good time. while stocks lasts, i have textbooks, notes and exam papers waiting for a new owner, or else... it's to the dumps for them. drop me a msg and i'll see if i have what u want.

I shall find things to do from today onwards. i shall not waste time stoning and slping life away. my new resolution for this mth as i await for my formal letter of invitation into Army (enlistment letter). before i forget, i shall list what i might want to see done this mth. Clean up my rm, do something for scouts (S.O.P, campfire cheers and songs) hmm... i think i shall devote this mth to Pajigwad! haha goodie goodie. Sh'i-Lah is BACK!

SicNarF
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4/09/2005 01:30:00 pm

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Thursday, April 07, 2005

just got back from SL camp! Shag man. Haven't felt this great for such a long time. Haven't been to a camp since... i can't even remember since when... bottom line was for a very long time.

Had the intention to jus go SL and be a normal participant and just enjoy the camp. so didn't attempt to join in any of the sub-comm's... Didn't work the way i planned things to be. from the moment camp started, i just started my bad habbit of taking over things. i found quite a handful of problems with the planning of the camp. which i brought up to the main-comm's... and there i was bluffing myself that i wanted to be a normal SL and enjoy myself jus before the camp...

This led me to think... i've changed. haha i used to just go and enjoy camps. now i'm assessing how the camp can be improved and everything of the background works. Maybe i'm more suited for planning events? rather than participating? so would the taste be the same when i enter Army? will i try to take over the unit/company? i think i'll be shot dead before i succeed.

I am no longer the "garang, gangho chiong Sua" soldier i thought i was cut out to become. Now i look forward to planning stuff, and the backstage things to worry about before events. haha, Being in I-Guides main comm really rubbed me off to the top management style of job. haha

Back to SL camp! haha the games were Heck FUN! The people i met were GREAT! but things could have been better overall. haha, meal after meal of chicken. Whack only.

SicNarF
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4/07/2005 11:51:00 pm

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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

hey hey, today i finally decided i shall go for the SL camp. haha my last "fun" camp before i camp and never return for 6yrs. haha, pack bag pack bag.

Went out mass with Leon my long time sec sch buddy. Pope John II departed this world and there was a mass to remember him by. Went down to Holy Fam for the service. felt abit out of place. the seating arrangements... the Songs, the music!!! the music was SO different! i was totally lost most of the time. think i'm too used to the full band set-up to adapt to a organ and choir set-up. Tempo for the songs also drastically slowed. haha, juz not used to it i guess.

watched LOTR 2 towers at Leon's place after church. wah! lovely story. but was too tired to concentrate and stay awake. haha *munch munch* on lays chips. Then drove home and pumped petrol on the way home. i think i'm still horrible at parking. hahaha

SicNarF
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4/05/2005 12:27:00 am

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Saturday, April 02, 2005

1Apr'05 was Pajigwad Troops Campfire! haha enjoy watching those guys work and enjoying themselves at the end of the day. running and scrambling about doing up things. Me? i just stand around and look pretty. Wait for things to go wrong and rectify the problems.

Ow! Francis in Scouts uniform. Ha! Tie no more scraf, been wearing that tie coming 2yrs now. haha its starting to grow on me.

Back against the Library block in the old courtyard

Me with the old brothers quarters building. This beloved sec sch of mine has a rich history, stretching back before my father's time. haha, OLD!

Gateway entrance that our "Bangla Scouts" built. those were the good old days when i was part of these banglas working our arses off overnight to erect strutures that at so unstable, that we ALL wanna go up.

Pretty fire... flames reached bout 1.7m? coz thats bout my height. Small fire, Pretty fire

SicNarF
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4/02/2005 02:11:00 pm

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Friday, April 01, 2005

great morning! woke up at 7am, went for a run at 8. clocked my 2.4km at 10:15. haha so happy, hope it'd maintain at that rate and improve further when i enter. haha. Left knee and right ankle seems to feel abit tensioned and stressed while I make my regular runs lately. How long more it can hold I do not know. But am currently trying to perfect the runs to minimize injury and still increase the speed.

later going back down to st pat's for Pajigwad campfire. hehe, tmr got Cheung Cheng cf also. hehe, so packed schedule these coming days. Then I’m still trying to decide if I should go for the SL camp or not. Most likely I will. Haha, reason as to why I’m going down? I also dunno? Maybe juz becoz it’s a camp and I haven’t been to one proper one as a participant for ages.

april fools day today it is! if u read this before the day has end. BEWARE! on your guard if u please. there could be lurking dangers at every corner u rnd. haha

oh oh! i'm happy with the new connection speed! so fast! d/l'ing stuff again! haha love starhub maxonline. Now watching intial D fourth stage. Seeing the way they drive is like so cool! Haha, but NO I’m not speeding. I’d like to continue bluffing myself that I’m a safe driver. Need to learn how to change gear smoothly before I go any faster. Control of the car is still not as mastered.

SicNarF
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4/01/2005 10:38:00 am

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